An objectively correct assessment of various box designs by the Nobell team
When civilizations crumble, it is not any achievement financial or economic that future historians will dust off and marvel at. It is that long-gone culture’s artistic output: the scrap of parchment containing a few lines from an epic, the weathered face of a sculpture, the transcendent canvas somehow spared the ravages of time and elements.
Yes, it is the creative impulse, the irrepressible human need to make something from nothing, to bend our insufficient minds to the interpretation of this imponderable universe we have found ourselves in, a perhaps misguided, but ultimately noble striving to pinpoint our place within it. This is the message that reaches through time to inspire future generations.
Now, if we’re measuring things purely by the number of eyeballs intersecting your artwork, then the pizza box, billions of which arrive get delivered each year, is perhaps the most widely viewed artistic canvas humanity has yet created.
In an effort to lionize this overlooked art form, we have compiled a collection of pizza boxes, both mid and transcendent, and assigned each of them an objectively accurate assessment on a Slice Scale out of 8 (obviously more pizza slices = more good).
But first, a bit about our methodology.
Through our team’s exhaustive study of the pizza box, conducted over many years and at colossal expense, we believe we’ve distilled the essence of what makes a successful box. We’ve condensed our findings into a framework we call “S.L.I.C.E.”, which outlines every element your box design must include:
- Service: What do you do? Are you pick-up and delivery? Dine-in only? Are you pie exclusive or provide other offerings: calzone, subs, wings, tax accounting, flower arrangement, rocket surgery?
- Location: What’s your shop’s name and where’s it at?
- Image: A flashy graphic. Express yourself. Stand out and draw viewers in.
- Contact: Phone number, website address, zip code, GPS coordinates, fax number.
- Extras: Any personal flourishes you wish to add.
By following the precision guidelines sketched by S.L.I.C.E., you ensure maximum success for your pizza box.
The Pizza Box, In Summation
The pizza box is unlike almost any other artistic medium that humanity has conceived: a transport device that also transports you (creatively/emotionally speaking).
The pizza box is not static. It will continue to grow and evolve, safely shuttling into the future both pizza pies and the ever-piping-hot, never-mushy creative spirit of mankind, like a much more delicious temporal-based Voyager Record.
And now, equipped with our S.L.I.C.E. framework, you are equipped to propel this unique visual language to even greater heights, to add your own new words and ideas to this delicious dialect. We can’t wait to see your S.L.I.C.E..
Anyway, here are some pizza boxes and what we think of them.
The Classic
An excellent example of the established pizza-box vernacular: the red-green palette, the checkerboard pattern, the saucy Italian chef.
This is the Platonic Ideal of a pizza box, what most people picture when they hear those two words. Certainly, it’s attractive and timeless.
But it takes no risks, offers no perspective. “What does it stand for?” the viewer is left asking.
A good starting point, to be sure, and an integral part of pizza box history. But humanity has advanced, and our pizza boxes should, too.
6/8 Slices
The Futuristic Box
To be sure, pizza box science has made great strides from its humble beginnings. Pies today arrive many degrees hotter and many crisps crispier than their ancestors.
Futuristic materials, innovative configurations, new techniques to retain heat and vent steam–these are all laudable achievements. But what do we lose when we prize progress over artistry?
The pizza arrives hot; the viewer is left cold.
2/8 Slices.
The Modern Box
Sleek, clean, elegant. A tasteful typeface, no extra frills. This box represents a new school of pizza box design: trim down the
Because just like a perfect slice of plain cheese, sometimes toppings are just distractions.
6/8 Slices
The Gimmick Box
This box, from Canadian chain Pizza Pizza, folds into a mini basketball game. Like most corporate collaborations, the results are mixed.
While we commend the attempt to inject some levity into the entrenched pizza box format, we ultimately feel that the focus on a trivial catapult-based minigame detracts from the sanctity of the pizza experience.
3/8 Slices
The Fine Art Box
Old and new, high and low. This box embodies a dichotomy: a classic visual style plucked from the canvas and transplanted to the modern medium of the cardboard box. A celebration of pizza boxes past and future. For this delicious remix, like combining Monterey Jack and Cheddar, we salute you.
6/8 Slices
The Single Slice Sleeve
Is it a “box” if it holds just one slice? That’s for you to decide—we’re only certified to quantify a box, not identify one. That task is best left to experts.
Here we have a vessel that raises fundamental queries. What makes a “box?” Is there a minimum slice requirement? How many sides should it have? Does it need a lid?
Perhaps we’ve created our own box, a box within which we are trapped, a box we cannot see or touch..
For now, let’s call this one an honorable mention.
1/1 Slice
In Conclusion
Pizza boxes are important. We love them. Every box is beautiful, just like every pizza is good. But some boxes are more beautiful. Now you know which ones. You’re welcome.